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[personal profile] kittyeden
 I'm back, with more fic. This isn't so much Doctor Who as me doing a blatant self-insert and making up her diary as I go. :-P

Fandom: Doctor Who
Pairing: None
Rating: C for Crazy
Timeline: Real World
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC.
Summary: "Today I roped Jade into a detailed examination of every inch of the school, mapping out all the places that a TARDIS could possibly have landed, and where Sarah Jane could be lurking." Ten weeks in the life of a Whovian. Chalk graffiti, TARDIS crafting, many references, and shenanigans.

The Very Secret Diary of a Year 7 Fangirl

Term 3, 2014.

Day 1, Week 1-

I have started this as a way to record my insane ramblings, because being at school doesn't occupy enough of my time. Today is the first day at my new school. Much excitement from others. Much despair from me, since I won't have the time to binge-watch episodes of Doctor Who nearly as much.

The teacher's name is Mrs Pennyworth. She smells. Probably a Slitheen.

I will have to keep an eye on her.

Day 2, Week 1-

I have met a total of two other Whovian 's name is Jade. She's nice, and looks sort of like Tegan. She doesn't watch Classic, which I'm holding against her.

The other is Josh, who doesn't look like anyone. From the show at least. He doesn't watch Classic, either.

I feel an outcast, and outsider, and alone in the world of Classic Whovians.

It does mean that I can pull awesome pranks, though.

Day 3, Week 1-

Today I roped Jade into a detailed examination of every inch of the school, mapping out all the places that a TARDIS could possibly have landed, and where Sarah Jane could be lurking. The best TARDIS parking place is inside the store cupboard in the library.

No police box found, however.

That doesn't mean that the Master's TARDIS couldn't be parked somewhere. I will be watching for any temporal anomalies very closely.

Day 4, Week 1-

Chemistry class today. I asked if we were going to make anything explode.

No such luck.

I will not give up trying. I've offered Mrs Pennyworth the recipe for Nitro Nine that I found on the internet, and she politely refused.

Old bat. I bet she is a Slitheen. I saw her farting earlier.

Entertained everyone with tales of one of my 'old friends' who blew up her art department at school, and consequentially got expelled. They seemed to believe me, which is a bonus.

Day 5, Week 1-

Acquired chalk from the Art Room, which now enables me to graffiti 'BAD WOLF' on the sidewalks and basketball court when no one's looking.

When no one understood the reference, I started writing 'Silence will fall' instead, and then wrote out a complex poem with iambic pentameter in circular Gallifreyan.

Stupid apes. They will face my wrath later on.

Day 1, Week 2-

The new series has aired! I knew, just knew, that Peter Capaldi was going to be awesome. MY FAITH GOT ME SOMEWHERE AT LAST.

Josh grabbed me by the shoulders, and we started dancing, attracting some odd stares from other people.

Jade refuses to watch Season 8, on the claims that she can't see anyone except Matt Smith playing the part of the Doctor.

We spent recess and lunchtime in the classroom, writing Whouffle/Whoffaldi fanfiction.

Day 2, Week 2-

Sent myself a note reading "Dear Romanadvoratrelundar, King dies in final battle, rest is propaganda, love, Romanadvoratrelundar." I left it in a very obvious place on my desk, hoping someone would ask who Romanadvoratrelundar is. No one did. Very disappointed.

Day 3, Week 2-

I have taken to calling myself (the Lady) Romanadvoratrelundar in public, hoping someone will instigate the conversation from the Fourth Doctor episode. No one has. Extremely disappointed.

Day 4, Week 2-

Jade and I are using trans-dimensional engineering to make our pencil cases and backpacks bigger on the inside. It's not working well. Suggest attempting to contact Gallifrey, in the hope that we're in a time period when it's not time locked.

Josh is creating a Weeping Angel in Art, despite our protests to make him stop. Whatever holds the image of an Angel becomes an Angel itself. I don't think I can handle not blinking. I might need to practise.

Day 5, Week 2-

We played Capture-The-Flag in sport. After my suggestion to name our team 'Team TARDIS' failed, I decided to construct a perception filter out of my locker key.

Mrs Pennyworth stopped me before I could finish.

Instead, I ran down the hill screaming 'Allons-y' and 'Geronimo', but I got caught instantly.

No one understands my subtle methods of attack.

Day 1, Week 3-

Watched 'Into the Dalek' on the weekend and subsequently glomped Josh this morning. Annoyed people all day by warning them 'not to be lasagne' without proper context.

They shouldn't need context.

Josh and I invited Jade to be part of our next exciting project- to build a working TARDIS in the abandoned shed on the oval.

She agreed.

I'm constructing a large blue box. They're getting the parts. I'm confident we shall succeed eventually.

Day 2, Week 3-

We studied the mystery of the Marie Celeste in English today. I very quietly insinuated that I knew what really happened to it, and that it involved aliens.

That didn't go down well.

Currently planning out a Doctor Who novel that involves 11, Amy, Rory, and a big slimy purple thing.

I might hand over the manuscript to BBC and hope for the best.

Day 3, Week 3-

Josh and I spent more time in the TARDIS workshop. It's not going well. We need a proper timey-wimey detector, and a sonic screwdriver.

Jade brought in a pair of binoculars, so we could examine Mrs Pennyworth for small zippers on the skin. I have a jar of vinegar in my bag, just in case. I'm sure she's a Slitheen, or at the very least a Raxacoricofallapatorian.

Taught my new non-Whovian friend, Phoebe, how to say 'Raxacoricofallapatorian'.

I'll have her addicted by the end of term, I swear by the Eye of Harmony.

Day 4, Week 3-

Watched the Eighth Doctor TV Movie with Phoebe on my iPad.

She was asking all sorts of stupid questions all the time, like, 'who's that weird Scottish guy in the police box?' and 'why did he suddenly turn into someone else?' and 'why does he have jelly babies?'

I did not bother to dignify these questions with a response.

Converting her into a Whovian is going to take a lot of work.

Day 5, Week 3-

Played 'I am the Doctor' in orchestra instead of the 'Can-Can'. I think it mashed up very well.

The conductor seemed to think otherwise.

Got yelled at for a half hour.

I played the Doctor Who theme song instead.

Got yelled at for another half hour.

Day 1, Week 4-

Spent all of recess role-playing 'Robots of Sherwood' with Josh and random non-Whovians, who, due to a Tumblr post, I am now calling 'Wholigans'.

Got Tumblr. No followers. People should be honored to have a person like me online.

Got kicked off the computer for not following 'acceptable school policy'. Stupid apes.

Day 2, Week 4-

The hunt for TARDIS spare parts continues. We've been salvaging bits from failed Year 9 science experiments. They will not fit into the blue box. We will, however, keep on trying.

Day 3, Week 4-

I drew a large black spot on my right hand today. Jade just laughed, and drew one on hers too.

I've got the constant suspicious that I may be secretly Flesh Kind and locked in a facility for advocates of the Silence. It would certainly make sense.

I've invited Phoebe over to my house for a hard-core Doctor Who viewing session. We're going to start with Season One, and work our way through that.

Day 4, Week 4-

I may have possibly made Phoebe fall in love with Christopher Eccleston. It was an accident, I swear.

I wonder how she'll react when she finds out that he was only on the show for one season? It won't go well, I predict.

Got engaged in an interesting argument with Oscar (another classmate not worth my attention) over whether or not bananas are good. He claims vehemently otherwise. I informed him that bananas are a good source of potassium and advised him to always bring one to a party.

He stared at me oddly.

Day 5, Week 4-

Kept going around, warning people not to blink, unless they wanted to be dead.

This joke was helped along by the life-size figure of a Weeping Angel that we smuggled into the school. We set it up in the principal's office, so she'll notice when she comes back from vacation.

Also, I graffitied 'SALLY SPARROW, DUCK NOW' on the quadrangle wall during class.

Day 1, Week 5-

Spent the first hour of class freaking out about 'Listen' in between Mrs Pennyworth's math class speeches, before calming down and doing the whole opening speech with Josh.

Then, at recess, I found the time to write LISTEN in big loopy writing on the chalkboard. I get the feeling that a lot more people are going to be scared getting out of bed at night from now on.

Day 2, Week 5-

Intimidated everyone with my attack eyebrows. I compared them with a photo of Twelve's, and they are just about identical.

Posted it on Tumblr, as you do.

I've noticed that I've started to say 'bloody hell' a lot more often, which is not supposed to happen. I'm an American that lives in Australia!

I think I've been watching too much Doctor Who. Maybe I should stop.


Day 3, Week 5-

Jade put on a gas mask today, and wandered around, asking people if they were her mummy.

I was killing myself laughing, but no one else got it. Josh then proceeded to let her back me and him into a corner (with appropriately frightened expressions) and then tell her to 'GO TO HER ROOM'.

Afterwards, he remarked that they would have been horrible last words. We got some odd looks, let me tell you. But we always get those.

Day 4, Week 5-

Josh, a random girl by the name of Momo, and I were sent on an errand by Mrs Pennyworth. We completed it quickly, but then I stopped the other two by the Year 2 door, and told them to follow my lead.

I stumbled into the room, remarked that their butler was wonderfully violent, and then proceeded to give them a Fourth Doctor speech, that basically goes as follows:

"Hello, I'm the Doctor! I'm a thief! This is Momo, she's my accomplice. And this is Josh, he's the detective who's been kind enough to catch me. That's his job. You see, our two lines of work fit together beautifully!"

We got thrown out of the classroom, of course, but it was still awesome. It's going on my list of 'proudest accomplishments of the year'.

Phoebe's coming to my house today for a Season Two marathon.

Day 5, Week 5-

In assembly today, I had the chance to yell out 'Hey! Who turned out the lights!'

It was a power cut, but all the Doctor Who fans of the school giggled. And some who weren't.

Phoebe, as predicted, didn't react well when she found out that Chris Eccleston wasn't in Season 2, but she soon fell in love with Tennant's hair, and all was well. She's HALFWAY to becoming a Whovian, I think!

Day 1, Week 6-

There was no time to do some die-hard fangirling over 'Time Heist'. Naplan testing today. It really, really, was boring, apart from the writing bit. I basically wrote a fanfiction about the 9th Doctor and Rose. I don't know how the examiners are going to react to it. I wish I could see.

Day 2, Week 6-

I kept on drawing tally marks on my arms, and then acting shocked, and glancing up at the ceiling whenever I 'noticed' them. Then the boy sitting next to me asked why I was doing it, and I asked him if he had seen any mysterious marks appearing on his body lately. He looked puzzled and said no.

And then I went around the class asking everyone.

Jade must have noticed, because when I asked her, she said no, glanced at her arms, and screamed. There were marks on her arms. She winked at me, and then we went on a Silence hunt around the classroom, armed with books and rulers.

Josh joined us too.

And we kept adding tally marks to our arms when no one was looking.

At the end, I had about 35 marks.


Day 3, Week 6-

Freaked people out by hiding in the corridor and quietly singing 'Tick Tock'. It's quite a fun song, and you can easily improvise lyrics on the spot.

Tick, tock, goes the clock,

In darkness, won't you cry?
Tick, tock, goes the clock,

You will not wonder why.

Day 4, Week 6-

The construction of the TARDIS is coming along well. We managed to make it a whole six centimeters bigger on the inside. I'm confident that it'll be finished by the end of term.

Now, if we could only get it to travel in time and space, that would be perfect...

I'm attempting to get Phoebe addicted to Classic Who now, and I decided that a Tom Baker episode with Sarah Jane would be the best. We'll watch it tonight at the sleepover. I'm tossing up between The Masque of Mandragora and Terror of the Zygons. Oh, decisions, decisions!

Day 5, Week 6-

Success! Phoebe is now sufficiently addicted. I will now attempt to take over the rest of the class. THEY WILL JOIN MY DARK ALLEGIANCE. We shall become all powerful! Crush the lesser races! Conquer the galaxy! Unimaginable Power! UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING! Et cetera! Et cetera!

Phoebe is joining our TARDIS attempt, and has offered some very helpful suggestions on how to improve it. I was right to choose her.

Day 1, Week 7-

I showed up late to school today, with seaweed through my hair, and my clothing wet. Some girl asked me why, and I informed her that it was a freak storm.

...yeah, The Caretaker was that good.

Phoebe is now in our recess fanfiction group, and we're teaching her the basics. You know, shipping names, how to write whump, what a Mary Sue is, things like that.

Day 2, Week 7-

My Tumblr account has gained an amazing four followers. I threw a mini-party in our TARDIS shed. No one attended.

Jade informed me of her plan to snatch paint from the Art Department and write BAD WOLF on the top oval. I told her she'd do much better with Nitro Nine.

Phoebe and I giggled behind her back.

Day 3, Week 7-

I've accidently become addicted to the 7th Doctor Virgin Adventure Novels. It's bloody annoying. I can't stop reading them. Downloaded them all on my Kobo so I can read them during Silent Reading in class.

Day 4, Week 7-

very subtly started a rendition of the Doctor Who theme song in class today. Really, really, quietly. Of course, immediately after the first eight notes, Jade joined in. And then Phoebe. And then (reluctantly) Josh. And then some other people added to it.

I now know who the Whovians in the class are!

I changed the song to 'I am the Doctor' halfway through. We had a pretty good three-part harmony going until Mrs Pennyworth told us to stop.

Old bat.

Day 5, Week 7-

Free dress day today at school! I came in dressed as the 10th Doctor, complete with trench coat and sonic screwdriver. Josh was the 9th Doctor (leather jackets are cool!) and he can do an amazing Northern accent. Jade wore a female 11th Doctor dress.

Most surprisingly of all, Phoebe had a 4th Doctor scarf, 7th Doctor umbrella, and a 6th Doctor coat that she had to take off. Apparently it was a 'distraction'.

MISSION- Addict Phoebe - COMPLETE.


Day 1, Week 8-

Had a quiet little fangasm over Kill the Moon. Phoebe had no idea what was happening, and I remembered to tell her to watch the new season.

Josh and I both agree that Clara was an expletive deleted, and we both really hope that she'll come back next episode. OR I SWEAR, I'LL MAKE MY WAY OVER TO THE BBC STUDIOS AND KILL MOFFAT WITH A POINTY STICK.

Day 2, Week 8-

In a surprising show of unity, all four of us amazing Whovians worked together in Art to create a masterpiece.

Read- we recreated the TARDIS painting from The Pandorica Opens.

It was awesome. And it's going to be auctioned off at the school arts night next week.


Day 3, Week 8-

I discovered the novelizations of the Classic Episodes.



Now I can watch episodes (practically) in class! And no one but me can see them!

Day 4, Week 8-

I arranged with Josh to cover for me in class while I wrote notes and posted them around the school. These notes say various things. Wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey things.

When I got back to class, I found that Josh had covered for me in a very timey-wimey way. I hugged him.

...well, what else was I supposed to do?

Day 5, Week 8-

Today, I pulled out a lot of books from my school bag. A random bystander (whose name is Charli) commented that it was actually impossible to fit that many in.

I declared proudly that my bag was 'BIGGER ON THE INSIDE'.

"What, like Mary Poppins?" was the response.

I stormed away in disgust.

Later, I realized that Mary Poppins is probably a Time Lady. Also, Mrs Frizzle. Maybe they're both incarnations of Romana!

And Hermione! She travels through time with a companion, and has a bag that's bigger on the inside! And her wand is basically a sonic screwdriver!

Day 1, Week 9-

Today, I ran up to Josh, and went-


and he was like


and I grinned and said


and he yelled


and I yelled


and we both jumped around like lunatics and yelled



Then the teacher asked what we were doing, and I told her that we were having a Doctor Who discussion.

She said, "Well, do it rationally."

I shook my head. "We are doing it rationally."

Day 2, Week 9-

I sent off letters to Phoebe, Josh, Momo, and Cody (another boy in my class) in blue envelopes, numbered 2-5. Not Jade, she's in on the joke. I also sent myself a letter, labelled #1. They should reach us at school tomorrow. They tell us all to meet up at a coffee shop five minutes away from our school at 3.30.

I'm planning to show up with tally marks all over my arms, after Jade delivers the news that I'm dead. This is going to be bloody brilliant.

Day 3, Week 9-

The one thing I didn't anticipate with my clever plan was the fact that Phoebe might do a River (e.g., slap me.) It hurt. It really, really hurt.

But she's forgiven me. Well, mostly.

The TARDIS is now able to manage short hops, about 2 millimetres. To be honest, it's not working as well as I expected. It's not even that much bigger on the inside. I'm feeling rather depressed. Maybe something interesting will happen tomorrow.

Day 4, Week 9-

I spent recess out on the oval with Phoebe, teaching her proper running techniques. How to sprint away from bloodthirsty ravenous monsters and the like.

Mrs Pennyworth showed up. We ran like hell.

She's learning. Now, as long as she doesn't scream like Mel, I think we should be fine.

Day 5, Week 9-

In history, I kept insisting that various events (the fall of the Roman Empire, the moon landing, the extinction of the dinosaurs) only happened due to the Doctor. I also rattled off, at great length, how awesome Robin Hood was, and yes, he was real, and how aliens were responsible for a lot of Vincent Van Gogh's paintings.

I finished off by declaring that Mrs Pennyworth 'didn't know about the Doctor because she's stupid'. Uh... in retrospect, it probably wasn't the best idea.

So. Detention for the next week. It should be entertaining, to say the least.

Day 1, Week 10-

The conversation today between Phoebe, me, and Josh went something like this-



Josh- Stay away from the WALLS!

Apparently Phoebe listened to me when I told her to watch Season 8. She's now as obsessed as me on Peter Capaldi.

In sport, I suggested we play Weeping Angel tag.

No one listened, except for Jade, who gave me a pitying sort of glance. It was weird.

Day 2, Week 10-

Gave Mrs Pennyworth the 'The first time they tell you the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still.' speech from 'Rose' during my detention. Not quite sure how she took it. She stood there for a whole minute, mouth open, before shooing me out.

The information from our masterpiece of a painting (entitled. "The Pandorica Opens") has come in! Apparently it was bought off by a Whovian enthusiast that loved our replica. For a hundred and fifty dollars, no less! Our obsession has helped the school! It's amazing!

Now, if I could only channel my obsession in helping me become a millionaire...

Day 3, Week 10-

Today, I collected a small group of people to 'read the oldest message in history', 'carved into the stone of Planet One'.

Typically enough for me, the message turned out to be 'HELLO, SWEETIE'.

Ba boom.

Day 4, Week 10-

I dragged Momo into an adventure with Phoebe and me today. Probably not the best idea I've ever had. She's a screamer, just like Mel.

On the other hand, Phoebe was more of an Ace person.

Oh, right. The adventure. It involved breaking into the staffroom to see if they were converting people's excess body fat into cute little roly-poly babies. Turns out, they aren't. On the plus side, we found out that they were hoarding chocolate. Our extremely dangerous mission involved bringing some of the highly coveted chocolate back to our fanfiction writing group.

Mission successful.

Day 5, Week 10-

Last day of school! Mrs Pennyworth organized a barbeque, in which you had to bring your own food. I brought fish fingers and custard (surprisingly good), Phoebe brought the best freaking jelly babies it is possible to get, and Jade brought Jammy Dodgers. I have no idea how she got them.

Josh was quite creative, and made cute little Marshmallow Adipose in light of our *coughcough* victory yesterday.

We washed it all down with green martian cordial, and most definitely not any water from Mars.

And instead of watching Frozen with everyone else, we huddled in a corner with our TARDIS pillows and watched The Day of the Doctor (first time for Phoebe and I, we kept hitting Jade and Josh to make them shut up with the spoilers) with our sonic screwdrivers.

It's been an amazing term.



Fantasic-ness- 9/10

Allons-y- 9.5/10

Geronimo- 10/10

Shut up!- 6/10

FINAL VERDICT- Would do again. Probably.


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